Where's the Real Problem

If you are reading this blog, or any blog from The Stress Experts, you are probably interested in learning how to conquer your stress…or you’re interested in learning how to decrease feelings of anxiety, anger, worry, fear and the like.

It all starts with knowing where “the problem” is. Once you know where “the problem” is, the solution you employ has a better chance of working because you will be applying focus to the real “problem”.

So what is the real “problem”?

Drum roll, please…


Now, please don’t think that I mean that everything that happens to you is your fault. That is not what I am saying.

What I am saying is that your stress, your anger, worry, fear, anxiety comes from within you. It is not put there by someone or something else.

Timothy J Hayes, PsyD, is quoted in the book The EFT Manual as saying: “Each time I say to someone, “You make me so angry,” I am choosing to focus on them and their behaviour as the cause of my anger and discomfort. In doing this, I prevent myself from seeing the true cause of my anger, which is always inside of me. It is my thoughts that cause my emotions, not the actions or reactions of anyone else. Each time I tell someone that they have offended me, I block myself from seeing the actual process of how I have chosen to take offence and then feel offended by what they have said or done.”

You have choice. So much choice.

Now, I am not saying that this gives everyone permission to choose to walk around spewing profanities and insults at other people. No, that isn’t right. That isn’t an expression of the highest human potential.

What I am meaning, is in a typical conversation (not even a heated conversation!), oftentimes there are words said that offend the other person, without the speaker meaning to offend the listener. Actually, there are times that the speaker is already “walking on eggshells” in the conversation, attempting to not offend anyone, yet some still take offence.

It is in cases like this that it is the choice of the listener to feel offended.

That choice to feel offended leads to anger, frustration, resentment…stress.

And that choice was made by YOU!

You are the cause of the vast majority of your stress. It isn’t the other person. It isn’t the weather, the job, the house, the spouse, the kids, the dog, the garbage man, the long lines.

Those things are not “the problem”. “The problem” is you and your choices.

Does that sound shitty? I know, I get it. I thought that, too.

But there is another way to look at this…

If you are the problem, then you are the solution. And if you are the solution, then you have the power to make a difference in your level of stress, anxiety, fear, anger…and happiness.

Ready to discover the choices you are making (maybe even without you knowing!) that are increasing your stress levels? Start The 42 Day Choice Challenge, now! Save $20 with coupon code: SAVE20BUCKS. Take control of your happiness. Learn more, here.

Here’s to conquering stress.

With heart,


The Stress Experts

Practical Strategies to Deal With Daily Stressors

Sign up to receive inspiration, skills, tools, and tough love right in your inbox each week. Don't worry, we won't share your email address and we're not going to fill up your inbox with junk.



Get 10 Simple Strategies to Decrease Stress and Create the Happiness You Crave

Because you deserve to be happy.

(Don't worry, we won't share your email address.)