How Your Judgements of Others Affect You

I read something eye-opening in a book I'm reading, The Tapping Solution for Weight Loss and Body Confidence by Jessica Ortner. I have spent almost an hour trying to paraphrase it to share with you, but I just can’t seem to capture the essence.

So, I have given up. LOL. Here is the full excerpt from the book:

“Our judgements are reflections of our own beliefs that contribute to self-sabotaging behaviours. I remember rolling my eyes years ago whenever I saw a physically fit woman running. I didn't understand why you would run unless you were being chased. I judged physically fit women as vain. The truth was that I was annoyed that I wasn't born with a "love to work out” gene. And if I couldn't be like them, at least I could judge them. Judging them somehow felt more empowering to me. I finally realized my judgements were a painful reflection of the limiting beliefs I had about myself and created a block to my own success.

“Are there thin women who are vain and cruel and have a bad attitude and an unhealthy relationship with exercise? Of course there are. But there are also overweight women who are vain and cruel and have a bad attitude and an unhealthy relationship with exercise. There are 7 billion people on the planet. Weight and body mass index do not determine a person’s attitude!

“When you pass judgement on someone else you are teaching your subconscious mind that it's not safe for you to have what they have because you may be judged in the same way you're judging them. So when you look at someone's Facebook picture and pass judgement on how easy life must be for them, you're telling yourself that it's not safe for your life to be easy or else you may be judged. Then you unconsciously continue to find ways to prove your value through struggling.

“Instead of being judgemental when you see someone who has more money or a healthier body, get curious. Befriend them. Ask them what motivates them to stay healthy. More important, cheer them on. The more you can celebrate someone else's success, the more congruent you will be with creating similar success for yourself.

“Take a moment now to think about how you judge others, including those little snap judgements you make while in line at the store, in meetings, with your neighbours, or when you see other parents at your child's school. Do you criticize other people more often than you praise and appreciate them? Do you tend to make big assumptions about who they are based on how they look or little things they say or do?”

Here are some examples she gives of how your subconscious mind hears your judgements of other people:

(#1) The judgment: She's so beautiful. She must be vain.

What your subconscious hears: I can never feel beautiful or people will think I'm vain. It's not safe to feel beautiful.

(#2) The judgment: She might be thin but at least I'm nice.

What your subconscious hears: I either need to be thin or nice - I can't be both.

(#3) The judgment: Skinny bitch!

What your subconscious hears: If I'm skinny I will be looked at as a bitch. It's not safe to be skinny.

(#4) The judgment: Life must be easy for her because she's thin.

What your subconscious hears: If I'm thin or if I make life easier, I will be seen as less valuable and I'll be judged. It's not safe to be thin. It's not safe to make life easy.

Even though this book and the examples are about weight loss and body confidence, the same principles apply to any area of your life. 

What judgements do you make about others?

What does your judgement tell your subconscious?

Here’s to conquering stress.

With heart,

Louise

The Stress Experts