I would never have considered myself a judge-y kind of person.
But, I see now just how judge-y I’ve been. I have judged so much in my life.
Graduated from school. Good.
Fired from my job. Bad.
Still single. Bad.
Bought a house. Good.
Got to bed early. Good.
Flat tire on my car. Bad.
I’ve judged everything! My whole life. Every event. I have been a very judge-y kind of person.
How do I know if it’s good or bad? What am I basing my judgement on?
I mentally take a small snippet of time and existence, then compare that snippet to what I expect or what I find comfortable. If it meets my expectations and/or if it makes me comfortable then it is good. If it doesn’t meet my expectations and/or it doesn’t make me comfortable, it’s bad.
The problem is, I can’t see the whole picture, so my judgment is skewed.
Sometimes you have to go through some of the negative to get to the positive.
The things we think of as good may not always be so good and the things we think of as bad may not be so bad.
I recently watched a TEDx Talk with Psychologist and Founding Chair of the Canadian Positive Psychology Association, Jamie Gruman. He shared a story that beautifully illustrates this sort of judging:
There was a teenage boy living on a farm with his elderly, wise father. One day a horse appeared on the farm out of nowhere. And the boy said, “Oh, Father! This is so good. We needed a horse to help plow our fields and here it is. This is so awesome.”
The wise Father said, “Good? Bad? Who knows?”
The next day the boy was riding the horse and he fell off and he broke his leg. He said, “Uh, Father. I thought this horse was good, but this is bad. I’ve fallen off and broken my leg. I wish we never found this horse.
Father said, “Bad? Good? Who knows?”
A few days later, some men from the military came by to recruit young men to go off to war and likely die. But they couldn’t take the boy because he had a broken leg, so they left. “Father this is so good that I have a broken leg. I’m not going to die.”
The father said, “Good? Bad? Who knows?”
Who knows? Who knows what’s good? Who knows what’s bad? We think we know, but we don’t.
Reconsider what you think is good and what you think is bad. Being more moderate in how you understand what is good and what is bad is key to conquering stress and being happy.
You’ve got the house. Good. You’ve got the car. Good. You’ve got the family. Good. Yet you’re not as happy as you thought you’d be and you want to be happier. Get the skills to be truly happy with our one-on-one coaching, tailored to your unique personality. Start today!
Here’s to conquering stress.
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