How to Deal with People

People. They can be so hurtful. They can be judgemental, condescending, angry, pitying, patronizing. They can express their low faith in you. They can lie about you. They can gossip about you. They can say things you disagree with. They can drive you right up the wall. 

People.

Some people are tyrants. Some are push-overs. Some are gossips. Some are bossy. Some are weak. Some are pushy. Some are annoying. Some are whiny. Some focus only on the negative. Some are irritatingly positive. Some are poor listeners. Some are poor speakers. Some have too much ego. Some don’t have enough. 

Some people complain all the time. Some don’t let you complain. Some people are know-it-alls. Some play dumb. Some people are competitive. Some are defeatists. Some people are clingy. Some people are aloof.

People.

What do we do with all these people? How can this one blog article possibly help you deal with all these different kinds of people and all their different behaviours?

As you read the lists above, did you mentally check off each point with a different person that you know or have heard of? 

I did. I know someone who fits every single one of these. 

It’s one person. 

Me. 

I am all of those things at different times and in different situations. 

That’s the trick to deal with people of all kinds. 

When someone has hurt you, turn it around and ask yourself, “Where am I hurtful like that?”

If someone lies about you, “Where have I lied about others or myself?”

If you meet a tyrant, “Where am I a tyrant?” 

If you encounter a push-over, “Where am I a push-over?”

Every time we point our finger at someone else’s ‘sin’, weakness, ineffective behaviour, or tendencies, three fingers point back. It’s not your responsibility to point the finger. It’s your responsibility to look at the three pointing back. Go ahead, eat that humble pie.

Identifying our own weaknesses like this helps in 3 ways

  1. Fosters your own growth. Before that person came along and pushed your buttons, you might not have even known you had a button there. You might not have recognized that you are sometimes whiny or bossy, but seeing it in others helps you recognize and perhaps address it in yourself.
  2. Creates connection. Rather than feeling hurt or annoyed by the other person and judging them on their ‘sins’, you’re able to look within, see your own ‘sins’ and connect with the other person. You get them. The Gossip in you recognizes and has compassion for the Gossip in them. The Liar in you acknowledges the Liar in them. Turns out you’re not so different after all. Superiority, hurt pride, indignation, and denial blocks connection. Looking for similarities and commonalities is fertile ground for connection, healing and growth. 
  3. Heals the world. As long as we are all looking outward and blaming others for their behaviour, exactly zero transformation will take place because it’s always the other person’s job, the other person’s responsibility - never our own. But when we look within and shed light on own shadows, we are able to transform, heal and grow. If each and every person was able to look at the three fingers pointing back, the world would look a whole lot different.

Staying humble, compassionate, and empathetic is the only way to deal with people - of all types. Because no matter who you are talking to, no matter who you are dealing with, no matter who your finger is pointing at, there is always a common denominator. Your three fingers always point back at the same person. You.

Who has hurt you and in what way? Where are you exactly the same? Where have you done the same thing?

Who drives you right up the wall? Where are you the same as them?

Who makes you feel small, threatened and insignificant? Where do you make others or yourself feel the same way?

How are you stomaching that humble pie? Are you bucking it? Are you feeling smugly justified? Are you innocently denying those three fingers? Or are you chuckling at yourself just a little bit?

Here’s to Conquering Stress.

With heart,

The Stress Experts

Practical Strategies to Deal With Daily Stressors

Sign up to receive inspiration, skills, tools, and tough love right in your inbox each week. Don't worry, we won't share your email address and we're not going to fill up your inbox with junk.

Close

Practical Strategies to Deal with Daily Stressors

Sign up to receive inspiration, skills, tools, and tough love right in your inbox each week. Don't worry, we don't share your email address and we're not going to fill up your inbox with junk.