How to Put Up For Yourself

Life is full of things that can knock you down. From a boss who says things that get under your skin, to the kids seemingly ganging up on you; from the friend or significant other who critiques you, to the coworkers who seem to be building a case against you, it can feel like people and situations are picking on you.

You might take it for a bit. You might feel your skin getting thinner and thinner. You might start expecting it and then bowing under the weight of the criticism, complaints, and condemnation. There comes a time when you have to put up for yourself, because no one is going to do it for you. 

There are two ways to put up for yourself. 

#1. You confront the other person and in some shape or form, tell them to stop picking on you.

This is the most common approach to putting up for yourself, and in many cases this is given as advice to stop bullying and criticism. But there’s a problem with this approach. I call this the Victim’s Approach to putting up for yourself because it keeps you in the place of the victim, even when you stick up for yourself. You want others to change. You need others to stop doing what their doing in order to feel better about yourself, your work, your efforts. You still stay small and at the mercy of the comments and criticisms of those around you. The worst part of the Victim’s Approach is that as long as you are the victim, you will never escape the criticism from others or yourself.

#2. You see the bigger picture, recognize your own weaknesses and strengths, and improve yourself.

I call this the Victor’s Approach to putting up for yourself. This approach is about lifting yourself up, out of the reach of criticism and bullying. It is about putting your heart into your work, approving of your own efforts, and embracing challenges - whether they are in the form of a task at work or a comment from your boss. The best part of the Victor’s Approach is that those negative comments fall away. One, because you are doing a dam good job that no one can criticize, and two, because your inner confidence is high, you just don’t hear the criticism anymore.

Is it time for you to put up for yourself? How will you come to your own rescue? Will you be the Victim or the Victor?

Here’s to Conquering Stress,
The Stress Experts

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