If you are anything like me, you feel like you have to have it all figured out. That you need to be at the top of your game, all the time, no matter what. No one is telling you that this is the way you must be or should be. You may not even be telling yourself this, in words. It just simply feels that you must be this way.
So you push. Push yourself. “Be better.” “Handle this better.” “Do this better.” “Stop being a wimp.” “Suck it up.” Like you are riding on your own back, whipping your rear end. Push. Push. Push.…constantly.
I don’t mean pushing yourself to be busier by taking on more tasks and doing more. What I’m referring to is an internal attitude. The attitude that you aren’t good enough. That you must be better.
Now, I’m all about “being better”. It’s a good thing. Being better is a great aspiration. The desire to grow is a desire to be fostered. Growing is the goal of life.
But bullying yourself to “be better”…not such a good thing. It is actually contradictory. Bullying yourself to be better defeats the purpose of trying to be better.
Striving to grow is one thing. But becoming a bully to yourself in order to be better? Is being a bully really being better? But a bully is what you’ve become but riding yourself, being on your own back, and constantly pushing. Is that a “better” version of yourself?
A large part of being better is being better with yourself. You’ve got to consider the external and internal factors when you are striving to be better, to grow.
Let’s say you lost your job. You try to find another because you recognize that is what you desire to “be better”. But you try and can’t find a job. You might hear yourself say, “You’re such a loser.” And when it gets hard and you start crying, you might say, “Suck it up! Stop your sniffling. No one is going to hire a cryer. Handle this better.”
By looking for another job, you are in the process of “being better” in your external environment but you’ve become a bully to yourself in the process.
Would you even consider talking to a loved one with those words? In that tone? Would you want someone else to say those things to you? Then why say them to yourself? Is hating on yourself in order to be a better person really being a better person?
What is there to do instead?
When you are going through a challenging time, ask yourself, “What would I say to a loved one going through this?” then say those words to yourself.
Ask yourself, “What do I want to hear someone say to me right now?” then say that to yourself.
“What tone and attitude would I have toward a loved one who was going through this?” then take on the tone and attitude with yourself.
I don’t know of anything that stops growth more than hate. And I don’t know of anything that fosters growth more than love.
So if you want to grow and be better (and rid yourself of a lot of stress!), get off your own back. Stop being a bully. And show yourself a little love.
(Bullying yourself is one negative habit you can break. Break other bad habits and build a habit of happiness, so you can be happy without faking it, live with more self love, and grow to be a better version of yourself with The 42 Day Choice Challenge.)
Here’s to conquering stress.
The Stress Experts
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